Men are known to be possessive but at times, their insecurity becomes a little too much to handle, especially if you do everything in your power to make them feel comfortable. Guys who are possessive make everything difficult for themselves and for the people around them. A boyfriend is a little insecure and jealous by nature. However, when things cross the boundaries of reason and your boyfriend expects you to be his silent, tormented victim; that is when you should understand that he is too possessive.
An excessively possessive boyfriend defines his own boundaries very subtly from the beginning of the relationship but eventually crosses over yours. Possessive boyfriends are very easily identifiable. Here are a couple of signs to watch out for:
He tries to isolate you from everyone:
The first sign of a possessive boyfriend is that he will try to isolate you from everyone, including your family members so that he becomes the only person in your life. This comes out of a desire for constant attention and importance. Also, a guy who is possessive would want you to rely on him for everything.
He accesses your social networking accounts:
It’s normal for two people in a relationship to access each other’s social website accounts. However, possessive boyfriends go one step ahead and they start ruling your cyber life. I have a friend whose boyfriend used to add and delete people from my friend’s account according to his whims. Even though you are in a relationship with him, he isn’t supposed to tamper with your social networking accounts and get into your space!
He tries to control your life:
Guys who are possessive will try to control each and every aspect of your life starting from the people you hang out with to the clothes you wear. Different guys do this in different ways. One possessive boyfriend might take you out for shopping, buy you a lot of clothes and ask you to wear them to make him happy with the intention of wanting you to wear only those clothes that he approves (read: subtle possessiveness) whereas another might tell you to simply not wear certain things (read: open possessiveness).
He feels jealous of your male friends:
We all have a mixture of male and female friends but a possessive boyfriend will look at the guys as competitors and feel jealous of them. He can go to any extent to ensure that you don’t spend time with them even if you have female friends with you.
He manipulates things:
A guy who is possessive can manipulate people and situations. He might delete someone from your list on a social networking site and tell you that the friend deleted you rather than the other way round. He might cook a story to convince you to not speak to the guy out of the fear of revelation. He can also try to manipulate you against your family to save himself and to keep you with him. Also, he will constantly try to make you feel guilty about fighting with him or doubting him.
He asks a lot of questions:
Possessive boyfriends are often interrogative. A possessive boyfriend will ask you questions about your whereabouts, your male friends and the people you go out with. Interrogation is his way of making sure you don’t hang out with guys or other people he doesn’t like. He suspects everything you tell him and asks the same questions numerous times to validate the truth.
He is obsessive about staying in touch with you:
Some boyfriends stay in touch with their girlfriends because they genuinely want to stay in touch whereas others want constant information about every relevant and irrelevant detail in their girlfriend’s life. A possessive boyfriend will get annoyed and even mad at you if he can’t reach you, if your phone’s turned off or if you don’t reply to his texts.
He double checks everything you say:
Possessive guys aren’t the kind to believe you easily. They will doubt everything you tell them. Your guy is possessive (and not in a good way) if he double checks everything you tell him. For example, if you tell him that you are going over to your parent’s house, he will call your parents instead of you to make sure you’ve reached and tell you that your phone was switched off even though you know it wasn’t. Or, he might go to the extent of spying on you to make sure you don’t hang around with any guys.
He is insecure about your popularity:
Possessive guys are basically insecure about themselves on a certain level. They feel threatened at every step. If your guy is possessive, he might feel jealous or insecure about your popularity and he might even try to make you unpopular to boost his self esteem.
He checks your phone daily:
Another common trait observed amongst possessive guys is their constant desire to check your phone to make sure you don’t message guys or say something negative about him to your friends. A possessive boyfriend might even accuse you of cheating on him whenever he sees you with a guy!