12 Ways to Deal With Selfish and Inconsiderate Boyfriend

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If your boyfriend does not respect your time and always puts his priority before yours, he is selfish and inconsiderate and it is very difficult to stay in a relationship with someone like that. However, if you love him a lot and you know that he reciprocates your feeling, you should give your relationship a chance. If there is love, then there is always a room for change and improvement. Here is a list of things you can do to handle your selfish and inconsiderate boyfriend:

People who have read this also read:

1. Interesting Questions To Ask A Guy, 2. Random Questions to Ask your Boyfriend, 3. Ways To Break Up With Your Boyfriend and 4. How To Get Over a Guy You Love.

 

Talk to him about what you feel

The first thing you need to do is talk to him. Try and explain how his actions impact your feelings. If necessary, use examples from one of the previous occurrences to make him realize how selfish his behavior was and how much it hurt you. If there is something he does in particular like being late on dates or not calling you up on time, talk about it clearly. Tell him how his words and actions hurt you. You do not have to ask him for justifications or reasons for that behavior but try and reach out to him as much as you can.

Ask him to make efforts

A relationship can work when both the people make efforts to make it work and the effort should come from within the heart. He might feel that a relationship is not a place where efforts need to be made. He might think that relationships work on their own but the truth is that they don’t. Every relationship needs a certain amount of efforts and he has to understand that his contribution is equally important.

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Treat him with a little indifference

If he doesn’t understand anything you tell him, stop talking and start pretending. If he hurts you, make it obvious through your actions. Treat him with indifference and ignorance. You don’t have to hate him but just pretend that you do when he is around. Show some selfishness in your behavior. If he doesn’t show up on time for a date, leave a message and go out on your own. Since you have never acted this way, he is bound to notice the change in your behavior. Let him step into your shoes and understand how you feel when he acts selfish by prioritizing everything before you. It will help him to relate to your feelings and he will probably start paying more attention to his actions and that might bring about a gradual change.

Don’t be available at all times

Don’t be his doormat. Don’t be his last resort. You have a problem dealing with his selfishness so that is the first thing you need to erase. If he cancels a date just a few hours before he was supposed to meet you or simply decides to not show up, don’t wait by your phone for him to call and reschedule. Just leave him a short message telling him how you feel about it. When he eventually does call you, show a little reluctance about another date. Know where to draw the line though because if you don’t, then he will think that you don’t like him anymore.

Whatever you do, don’t nag

When I ask you to tell him how you feel, I am not asking you to keep repeating yourself. Hold on to your dignity and make yourself clear to him. If you keep nagging, he will just get annoyed and stop listening to you altogether. Keep your words scarce but meaningful when it comes to these issues.

Ask him to be sensitive and considerate

He will have to learn to be considerate. That will happen once he starts being more sensitive towards you and your emotions. Show self esteem and tell him what you expect out of him. Asking him to be sensitive and considerate isn’t asking too much. It’s something he doesn’t realize because you have always been considerate of his feelings. Giving him a taste of his own medicine might help you but you also need to know when to stop.

Don’t lose your temper on him

It is frustrating when you wait for the result of your endeavors to bear fruit but don’t get angry and let it out on him. Anger is not going to help the situation but only worsen it so keep your temper under control.

Give him some time to change

When you invest time and energy into something, you expect quick results. However, your boyfriend is not an object. He is a person so he needs some time to undergo emotions, realize his mistakes and then change. This is not something that can happen in a day. You will have to be persistent in your efforts to make him more considerate.

Praise him when he makes an effort

Even when you see a tiny positive change in him, let him know that you have noticed the change. Use positive words while talking about his efforts and describing your relationship. Let him see how happy his efforts make you because that will encourage and motivate him to make more efforts.

For your own sanity, socialize

Go out with friends. Don’t wait for him to do everything. Create your own space and don’t allow him to enter their. When you have your space, you will also start appreciating his. If you go out and make some friends or meet your existing ones, you can stop thinking about everything that’s wrong with your relationship and start looking at things that aren’t.

Take a temporary break

After all these efforts, if he doesn’t change his attitude towards you, consider taking a temporary break from the relationship. Ask him to use that time to reassess your position in his life. He will value you when he understands your importance and for that, you need to let him live his life without you for a while. He might have been taking you for granted all this while so don’t stick around. Give him some time alone to clear his head and set his priorities straight.

Dump him

If the temporary break doesn’t work, there is nothing you can do but go on a permanent break. There is no point in wasting your life with someone who doesn’t understand how wonderful and amazing you are. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t value your time or your efforts? This is the last resort but if nothing is helping him in being sensitive towards you then you need someone who values and understands you. You gave it your best shot so you have nothing to regret.

  • Cherry

    You don’t have to deal with them. Leave them and run as far as you possibly can…. Such guys are a threat to relationships…

  • Fran

    I agree with Cherry. Try to make him understand the implications of his behavior on your relationship but if he continues to be inconsiderate, just leave him and go. There’s no need for sympathy here!

  • meital

    It’s really only about knowing how to communicate to a man. If you know how to do that, and learn how to understand men, you’ll know how to banish this type of behavior.

  • Ekworonu blessing

    The point is that some stupid bf tend to pretend as if they have changed after being confroted.they have already have the trait. Look, if you have common sense and you have noticed all this strange behaviour in him at the first interaction, please please abandon him ,he can’t change.what matters is your happiness.try to hang out with a positive friend. wow! Thanks for that wonderful article.

  • Anonymous

    All dogs,,

  • Brokenheart29

    I started crying after I read this because I’m a 29 year woman that is in love with a selfish child. My boyfriend is 32 but he acts so childish when he does not get enough attention or when I tell him something bothers him. We have only been together for a year and his behavior has been getting worse and worse…I cannot even talk to him about it because he will throw a fit or just start completely ignoring me…I really do love him but I do not feel like he is leaving me any choice…he doesn’t even offer to change, lately he’ll have a “headache” and leave me hanging if he doesnt like what i’m talking to him about. (I have been having a bit of financial hardship lately) and he has told me i should get a second job and then goes on to talk to me about what new cars he has bought himself??!! Im going nuts and i dont know what to do? Please help:-/

    • Anonymous

      Brokenheart that sounds just like my man..he doesnt give a toss about my efforts or care i have for him and im also struggling for cash but he goes out and buys a new car just cos he can l.

    • mary

      Hi. sorry about what you are going through. i went through it myself and i left. i also had financial difficulties having no job and my ex still owes me money and has not paid it back. my suggestion is try to find a way out and leave him.

    • http://hotmail Mary

      Leave his cheap butt alone. He is a looser, if he can not appreciate the Queen you are. You can do bad yourself. He is only going to frustrate you. If you step out of the picture and look in. He probably do not make you happy. Love yourself.

    • Anonymous

      I have so many things to say to what you said brokenheart29, I know exactly what you are feeling!!!
      If you need someone to talk to I’m here girl!! I know exactly how it feels been in your shoes!
      Blue_eyed_sweetie@hotmail.com
      Feel free if you need a friend to rant to!!!

    • Anonymous

      You sound like a mature woman & kind. Sounds like he is using you. I feel if he loves you he should be more considerate of your situation. He is selfish. I knoooow its tough but move on.

    • Anonymous

      Yes same is true to my experience,,,all jerk.

    • Anonymous

      If you already gave him the chance to change and he is still the same there is clearly no point to waste time, people can’t really change at the age of 32. you have to make your life on your own and try to distract your mind by finding a second job or hanging out with friends. some people are too selfish to understand how you feel. he is not the man you imagine in your head so break the scale you made of him.

  • Kristel

    @broken heart:he clearly is using u like a doormat and not respecting u…lay low…focus on ur goals, dont give him time and start focusing on the areas you hate about your life, learn some new hobby, start investing your time to reasses and improve your financial ability…. He might notice how u are changing your life…and start respecting and valuing you

  • Joely

    my boyfriend has his selfish ways and he admits to them, he told me before we began our relationship. I go out of my way for him but it seems like he can’t do the same for me. It really affects me but he has told me that he’s sorry and he needs time to change because all his life it’s been all about him but how do I cope with that? I love him, my question is, do I just ignore the selfishness until he changes? I hate having arguments about it all the time, I don’t want to make him feel pressures into change. I know there’s a soft side underneath all of that, that’s why I love him it peaks out from time to time.

  • Anony

    Brokenheart29 – dump him. He’s not that into you. Find somebody who is. He will NOT change at 32 and men like that are just looking for women to put up with their bad behavior.

  • Jan

    Nail on the head! I also have an inconsiderate boyfriend, who unfortunately I have fallen into the trap of nagging because we have had the same argument over and over again, I explain the issue and he is so arrogant that he tells me he didn’t need to contact me to tell me he wasn’t coming over and I need to accept that because he doesn’t intend to change and furthermore he has never said sorry. I am obviously so indignant that I feel the need to repeat myself and then I am accused of nagging and the one to blame for the argument. This is all from a man who has told me he loves me and wants to marry me! We are now on the verge of breaking up – I have told him his parents could not have done a very good job teaching him manners.. I have honestly tried everything but really why do these men think they can get away with this – I am at my wits end!

  • Myc82

    Brokenheart, you need to leave him, he will nevertheless change. Leave him now before you become even more invested!

  • FA

    Dump him!

  • Mars

    Omg… Reading this has hit the nail on the head for me. I’ve just come out of a yrs relationship with the most selfish arrogant man ever… How I put up with it so long I regret but I’m so glad I’m out of it for good.

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  • Gris

    my bf always promises me to get me this and that but he almost never does. And after sometime when we come across that particular thing (e.g. a jersey of our favourite team) he wouldn’t offer to get it for me even if i hint that he promised to buy me the jersey before. And when we go out for meals we mostly split bills. I am not comfortable with this and when i tell him, he’d say sth like: ok next time onwards i’ll pay for u until you’re finacially stable. But then he never does. everytime the waiter pass us the bill, he either pay it first then ask me to pay my half, or split it in front of the waiter. I feel not treasure as my exes all offer to pay (not all the time, but most of the time) when we date. This is driving me crazy because i do hv my own bills and checks and fees that i need to take care of whereas he doesn’t.

    any suggestions ?

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