If your boyfriend does not respect your time and always puts his priority before yours, he is selfish and inconsiderate and it is very difficult to stay in a relationship with someone like that. However, if you love him a lot and you know that he reciprocates your feeling, you should give your relationship a chance. If there is love, then there is always a room for change and improvement. Here is a list of things you can do to handle your selfish and inconsiderate boyfriend:
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Talk to him about what you feel
The first thing you need to do is talk to him. Try and explain how his actions impact your feelings. If necessary, use examples from one of the previous occurrences to make him realize how selfish his behavior was and how much it hurt you. If there is something he does in particular like being late on dates or not calling you up on time, talk about it clearly. Tell him how his words and actions hurt you. You do not have to ask him for justifications or reasons for that behavior but try and reach out to him as much as you can.
Ask him to make efforts
A relationship can work when both the people make efforts to make it work and the effort should come from within the heart. He might feel that a relationship is not a place where efforts need to be made. He might think that relationships work on their own but the truth is that they don’t. Every relationship needs a certain amount of efforts and he has to understand that his contribution is equally important.
Treat him with a little indifference
If he doesn’t understand anything you tell him, stop talking and start pretending. If he hurts you, make it obvious through your actions. Treat him with indifference and ignorance. You don’t have to hate him but just pretend that you do when he is around. Show some selfishness in your behavior. If he doesn’t show up on time for a date, leave a message and go out on your own. Since you have never acted this way, he is bound to notice the change in your behavior. Let him step into your shoes and understand how you feel when he acts selfish by prioritizing everything before you. It will help him to relate to your feelings and he will probably start paying more attention to his actions and that might bring about a gradual change.
Don’t be available at all times
Don’t be his doormat. Don’t be his last resort. You have a problem dealing with his selfishness so that is the first thing you need to erase. If he cancels a date just a few hours before he was supposed to meet you or simply decides to not show up, don’t wait by your phone for him to call and reschedule. Just leave him a short message telling him how you feel about it. When he eventually does call you, show a little reluctance about another date. Know where to draw the line though because if you don’t, then he will think that you don’t like him anymore.
Whatever you do, don’t nag
When I ask you to tell him how you feel, I am not asking you to keep repeating yourself. Hold on to your dignity and make yourself clear to him. If you keep nagging, he will just get annoyed and stop listening to you altogether. Keep your words scarce but meaningful when it comes to these issues.
Ask him to be sensitive and considerate
He will have to learn to be considerate. That will happen once he starts being more sensitive towards you and your emotions. Show self esteem and tell him what you expect out of him. Asking him to be sensitive and considerate isn’t asking too much. It’s something he doesn’t realize because you have always been considerate of his feelings. Giving him a taste of his own medicine might help you but you also need to know when to stop.
Don’t lose your temper on him
It is frustrating when you wait for the result of your endeavors to bear fruit but don’t get angry and let it out on him. Anger is not going to help the situation but only worsen it so keep your temper under control.
Give him some time to change
When you invest time and energy into something, you expect quick results. However, your boyfriend is not an object. He is a person so he needs some time to undergo emotions, realize his mistakes and then change. This is not something that can happen in a day. You will have to be persistent in your efforts to make him more considerate.
Praise him when he makes an effort
Even when you see a tiny positive change in him, let him know that you have noticed the change. Use positive words while talking about his efforts and describing your relationship. Let him see how happy his efforts make you because that will encourage and motivate him to make more efforts.
For your own sanity, socialize
Go out with friends. Don’t wait for him to do everything. Create your own space and don’t allow him to enter their. When you have your space, you will also start appreciating his. If you go out and make some friends or meet your existing ones, you can stop thinking about everything that’s wrong with your relationship and start looking at things that aren’t.
Take a temporary break
After all these efforts, if he doesn’t change his attitude towards you, consider taking a temporary break from the relationship. Ask him to use that time to reassess your position in his life. He will value you when he understands your importance and for that, you need to let him live his life without you for a while. He might have been taking you for granted all this while so don’t stick around. Give him some time alone to clear his head and set his priorities straight.
If the temporary break doesn’t work, there is nothing you can do but go on a permanent break. There is no point in wasting your life with someone who doesn’t understand how wonderful and amazing you are. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t value your time or your efforts? This is the last resort but if nothing is helping him in being sensitive towards you then you need someone who values and understands you. You gave it your best shot so you have nothing to regret.