Love is one of the strongest emotions a human being feels for another and the thought of being in love with someone special automatically lightens up a dull day even if the person you are dating is mean. Being in a relationship with someone whose first impulse is unkindness can be a very big challenge. Everyone will always advice you to dump her because that is a permanent solution to put an end to such callous behavior. However, it’s easier said than done if you are in love with your mean girlfriend. If your girlfriend is not intolerably mean, give your relationship another chance. You can try some of these suggestions to initiate a catharsis:
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Don’t reciprocate her behavior
The easiest way to deal with bad attitude is to ignore it. Irrespective of how rudely and insensitively she behaves around you, do not reciprocate her behavior. At this point, you might be tempted to believe that your behavior will encourage her to take you for granted but believe me, if it is practiced in the right way, she will feel ashamed of herself. If you don’t reciprocate her behavior, you will indirectly discourage it by not acknowledging it.
Try to show that you are unaffected by her meanness. Don’t get agitated or upset with her because that is also a form of reciprocation. Stay cool and unnerved by her attitude. Even if she tries to pick a fight with you, just walk away and let her know that you will not respond to her negative behavior.
Spend time trying to find the root of her behavior
The most important aspect of finding a solution is to understand the root of the problem. Her malicious behavior might be because of a bad experience she’s had in the past, her insecurity about you, her frustration at work, etc. Try to single out the main causes or triggers that lead to such behavior.
Let her know that you are dependable
Once you think you have identified the problem, the next step would be to strengthen her confidence and faith in you. Unless she willingly confides in you and shares her problems, there is nothing you can do to deal with her. Since you love her, you cannot ignore her forever so focus on making her feel that she can trust you with her secrets.
Make sure she understands her behavior isn’t appreciated by you
Let her know that her breakouts aren’t appreciated by you in any way whatsoever. Don’t sympathize with her irrespective of how emotionally messed up she feels. Let her know how her behavior has hurt you. Unless she understands the gravity of the situation, she will not want to change her behavior so make sure she understands the effect her meanness has had on you.
Communicate with her
Talk to her. Listen to what she has to say. After finding the root of her problems and gaining her confidence, try to have an honest and open conversation about her behavior and its implications. Go as deep and intense as you possibly can.
Take the first step
A bad attitude is like an illness that can be dealt with love and compassion. If you are willing to give up on her, then you don’t love her so the previous suggestions might have been a waste of your time. But, if you really want things to change, you will have to take the responsibility yourself. Take her out on dates and make her feel happy about herself. Do things that she enjoys.
Shower her with a lot of love
The one solution to negativity is positivity. For every negative thing she says to you, say something positive about her. People who are unhappy and/or suffering from low self esteem usually get frustrated and they try to get some happiness by being mean to others. Counter that behavior with appreciation.
Go out with friends
In your struggle to deal with your mean girlfriend and to bring about a change in her, don’t forget that you have a social life as well. Go out with your friends, spend some time with them and live a little. You don’t have to sacrifice your life for anyone and the change will do you some good.
Give her some time
All these suggestions are actually a lot to handle in one go. Don’t expect her to change her behavior as soon as you start making efforts from your end. The catharsis will take time so don’t try to push her into it.
Don’t bad mouth her in front of others
Your girlfriend might be too much for you to handle but it is ultimately you who’s decided to stay with her and change her behavior so don’t vent your frustration in front of others. They will either ask you to dump her or think negatively of you for bad mouthing her. So, be careful about people you consult.
If you have tried all these suggestions without getting any result, then your girlfriend is probably not just mean but insensitive, stubborn and beyond any catharsis. At this point, since you have already given it your best shot, the only logical thing to do would be to break up with her.